Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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