I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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