My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
