we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
