new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
