I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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