He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i drank out of a bidet.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
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