I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
