Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
