So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
