Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
