I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
