I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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