I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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