Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
