If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
