He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
