I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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