Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
