You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
