there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
