If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
