That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
