this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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