My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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