Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
