I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
