i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
