Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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