I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
