i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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