i don't like sucking hair
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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