She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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