I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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