Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
