you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
