We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
