we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
