Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
