I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
