On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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