I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
