I can tuck mytits in my pants
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
