What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
