I love black thongs
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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