New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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