how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
