No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
