All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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