He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think my fart just growled at me.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
