I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
