I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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