I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
