I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
